MW 'The bank told me I could be liable': I found out why my brother, who has a reverse mortgage, ran out of money

By Quentin Fottrell

'I'm angry, but also sad'

"Most concerning, he's likely being taken advantage of." (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

I have an update on my earlier letter. I mentioned how shocked I was when my elderly brother reached out to ask for a loan. In addition, his bank sent me a fraud alert this week regarding numerous Zelle charges on his account.

When I try to talk to him, he brushes it aside, saying he "felt sorry for this woman," whom he claims to have met in person. That's possible, as he travels throughout the city and still practices law.

I have a meeting scheduled with an elder attorney and am in touch with the bank. I will also be contacting the state's attorney general's office. It's his money, but I believe he may be depleting his retirement account, which is very out of character for him. Most concerning of all, he is likely being taken advantage of.

The bank told me I could be liable, since we are on the same account, if any payments become more than 60 days past due. I was added to his account during COVID as a precaution, but I have never monitored it.

I'm angry, but also sad and unsure of what to do.

The Sister

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Related: I fell victim to an online dating scam. I'm $27,000 in debt. 'Without commenting on my obvious stupidity, how do I recover from this?'

The bank will not release you from this account until the balance reaches zero and/or a net positive balance.

Dear Sister,

Your brother appears to have fallen for a romance scam.

His romantic interest may or may not be real. Either way, you have a vested interest in helping him resolve this: (1) He may have cognitive impairment and (2) you are on the hook for any debt incurred. Implore him to call the bank to freeze the account. As a joint account owner, you are liable for this debt - assuming you are not merely an authorized signer - and the bank will not release you from this account until the balance reaches zero and/or a net positive balance.

Go through the account activity together, framing it as a routine check rather than accusing him of being foolish or incompetent. Tell him that you are both in this together and you are both on the hook; propose setting up transaction alerts or daily limits on his other accounts. Contact the bank together to clarify charges on your joint account and, if necessary, report the potential fraud involving Zelle. This will help stop the existing charges from continuing.

Approach this as a collaborative effort, not as a sister parachuting into his personal and financial life all guns blazing. Tell him, "We can figure this out together." If this woman exists, you could tell her you'd like to meet her (she likely won't show) even to show that you are on his side. Let him know that there's a chance this is a romance scam/honey trap and that even the smartest people get hoodwinked by nefarious characters who take advantage of their loneliness.

It's hard to help someone who won't help themselves.

It's hard to help someone who won't help themselves. Ideally, he should freeze his credit with all three major credit bureaus - Experian (EXPGY), TransUnion (TRU) and Equifax $(EFX)$ - so no one can take out loans or open accounts in her name. This is good practice for anyone in a vulnerable situation. People 60 and older are five times as likely as younger consumers to report losing money to tech-related scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission.

MetLife $(MET)$ conducted a major study on the subject and found that most victims lived alone, which may point to the fact that lonely people are more likely to seek out a connection online. "In almost all of the cases, there existed a combination of tenuous, valued independence and observable vulnerability that merged in the lives of victims to optimize opportunities for abuse by every type of perpetrator," the study concluded.

You can learn more about consumer issues and scams from the Federal Trade Commission and file a consumer complaint online or call 1-877-FTC-HELP (382-4357). AARP also has a Fraud Watch Network Helpline (877-908-3360) and a guide to avoiding phishing. AARP says signs include "a phone call asking for money or personal information, such as your Social Security number, a request to buy gift cards to pay a purported debt or to send money."

Banks have a duty to help

Financial institutions have procedures in place for spotting the warning signs of financial elder abuse and state regulators have in recent years put pressure on advisers to help prevent it. It's a shocking and distressing turn of events, especially if your brother is still hanging onto the illusion that this person is in love with him. No genuine, honest person takes money from a person they've just met; this is not a relationship based on trust and affection.

For other people reading this who suspect an elderly relative is being scammed or on the brink of being scammed, contact the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 833-372-8311 or legal services and Adult Protective Services. Visit the Eldercare Locator or call toll-free at 1-800-677-1116. (Read more here about preventing scams.) You can also file a report with the Internet Crime Complaint Center, a division of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Given that your finances are involved in this too, ask him to give you a power of attorney document so you can oversee his finances. The National Center on Elder Abuse - a government agency affiliated with the U.S. Administration on Aging - and the nonprofit National Adult Protective Services Association will also have further steps you can take, in addition to contacting his primary physician for an appointment for a mental assessment.

Ask for his power of attorney. Conservatorship is a last resort.

A neurologist, geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist could assess him. A last resort would be a conservatorship, which is an involuntary process and takes place when a person is unable to take care of their finances. Each state has its own rules for guardianships and conservatorships. To apply to be a conservator, you need to file a petition with the probate court in the county where he lives. You'll also need to submit a plan for his care.

"Once a petition is filed with the court, a court investigator is appointed to interview the proposed conservatee and to determine if the individual is truly incapacitated and whether appointment of a conservator is justified," says the Family Caregiver Alliance. "The petition is set for hearing, and the conservatee must appear in court unless medically unable to do so," the organization adds. The judge decides, based on the petition, the investigator's report, and other evidence.

Sometimes, all people want is reassurance and a reminder that their loved ones are on their side, not against him. A simple statement like, "I love you and I want to help you," can break down even the highest walls. You are in this together, not only because you are siblings, but because you are a joint owner on this bank account, and your brother may need medical help in addition to moral and organizational support to help dig his way out of his hole.

It may be a sign of a more pronounced decline.

Related: 'Six figures are missing': My aunt's attorney took over her bank account. Two random doctors declared her incompetent. How do I fix this?

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'This guy has no manners': My Airbnb guest requested I buy bacon and beer. The $30 bill remains unpaid. Do I insist?

'It's complicated': My husband, 61, wants to leave me everything. His kids will hate me. What should I do?

I'm 59. My wife and I bought a second home for $484,000 at 6.2% interest. Will this be a drain on our retirement?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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March 23, 2026 07:30 ET (11:30 GMT)

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