MW My siblings don't earn nearly as much as me. Should my parents leave me less money in their will?

By Quentin Fottrell

'I'm concerned that my parents are going to strike me from any will'

"How can they be judgmental at all of the way that I spend the money that I rightfully, lawfully earn at my job?" (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

In my family, if you were to ask my parents, I'm the one who "misbehaves." My clothes are too nice. I spent too much on my car. And I go on too many vacations. However, my parents have given me ZERO dollars since I was 21 (when they last gave me some funds for my undergrad tuition).

They don't take me on their family vacations. They didn't give me a dime for the down payment on my house. No "starter" money post-graduation. They've never even paid a cell phone bill for me. I have remained financially independent.

All of which, on some level, is kind of okay. But then how can they be judgmental of the way that I spend the money that I rightfully, lawfully earn at my job? They'll note that my siblings don't spend their money as "recklessly" as I do.

My siblings don't make nearly as much as me. They'd say I'm crass or rude for saying that. I'm concerned that my parents are going to strike me from any will/inheritance. If siblings earn different amounts, should that be the primary driver for how much they should get?

Living the High Life

Related: I received an inheritance from my father's estate, but the executor wants me to give it back. What should I do?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Not everyone is going to be your biggest cheerleader if you're posting about your various vacations on Instagram or Facebook.

Dear High Life,

There is no "should" when it comes to inheritance.

Your parents can divide their estate as they see fit. That means that sometimes, adult children who need more help financially - those who may not own their own home, for example - can receive a larger slice of their parents' pie.

Not everyone will be your biggest cheerleader if you're posting about your vacations on Instagram or Facebook (META). Some may keep browsing unperturbed, while others might perceive you as braggadocious or, as you say, "crass."

But here's the main clause, and I think you should sit down in your Restoration Hardware or Chesterfield sofa to consider this: If you are telling your siblings that you earn more than them, and you're flaunting your wealth, expect trouble.

That kind of provocative behavior will lead to years, even a lifetime, of one-upmanship, backbiting and behind-the-scenes maneuvers. Your flashy car, if you have one, and vacations are not the problem. A clash of personalities is the real problem.

If you rub a coworker the wrong way, expect them to undermine you when your back is turned. If you do the same with siblings, don't be surprised if they make quiet suggestions to your parents about who deserves what.

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Smart spending

You have treated yourself to quality apparel (there's an argument that it will last longer and that cheaper clothes may be a false economy, although some studies say expensive pieces of clothing don't necessarily last longer).

But beware of the opportunity cost of having the best of the best. Research suggests that Americans spend almost $150,000 over their lifetime on luxuries and treats, or the equivalent of more than 20% of their monthly disposable income.

The takeaway is hidden in your question: You are independent and you are an adult who funds your own life, so you - in theory - are least likely to give the "gimlet eye" to your parents' estate plan.

This sibling rivalry that you suspect might be playing a role in how you are perceived by others may, in fact, work both ways. If you're suspicious about how your parents will split their estate, I suspect there are formative forces influencing your thinking.

You can't control how other people perceive you. You can, however, accept that not everyone has the same financial needs as you and, if they don't ask about your latest vacation, they may not be jealous, they may have other things to worry about.

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Family dynamics

More than one-third of parents who have written wills do not plan to divide their estates equally among their children. That's according to a research paper, "Unequal Bequests," recently published in the "European Economic Review."

The main reason for receiving less money than a sibling is due to "weak relationships," which the researchers define as "families with stepchildren and families with genetic children with little or no contact with their parents."

Children in "weak relationships" also may be less willing than children in traditional families to assist disabled and/or older parents, said Robert Pollak, Hernreich Distinguished Professor of Economics at Washington University in St. Louis.

In some cases, adult children have convinced elderly or ailing parents to add them as an authorized signer on a bank account, instead adding themselves as co-owners. When the discrepancy comes to light, it's often too late.

The wiliest or greediest adult children have their eye on the main prize: real estate. This Moneyist reader wrote to say her brother was putting pressure on their mother to sign over the house. Another letter writer said their brother succeeded in doing just that.

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Healthy competition

Sibling rivalries are normal. Competition can be healthy and help prepare brothers and sisters for academia and the workplace. Bullying, however, is toxic and can lead to emotional problems such as depression, anxiety and self-harm.

Claire McCarthy, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, advises parents to spread their compliments, love and cheerleading evenly among their children to avoid resentments or emotional fallout later in life.

"Every child has something that they are good at; celebrate those strengths, and resist ranking the strengths of your children," she advises parents in this guide. "You never know how a strength will play out later in life."

"Even something happy, like a new baby or winning an award, can feel hard or bad to a brother or sister," she adds. "Not that you shouldn't celebrate the happy event, but the brother or sister may need a little extra love."

I don't know what your childhood was like. It may be that it was a happy one, and you merely feel a little self-conscious about your relative wealth, or your siblings might make occasional comments on what they see as conspicuous consumption.

Either way, focus less on how your family sees you and what you might or might not get from your parents in their will, and focus more on what your parents need right here, right now. A simple question - "How can I help?" - can go a long way.

Live life to the fullest, with compassion and no regrets.

Related: My parents promised to split their estate 50/50, but my mother gave my brother real estate. Is that fair?

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

'Luckily, I did not mix our finances': My husband is 7 years younger and has dementia. What happens now?

My son's credit-card company will write off $10K on a $25K debt. Should he accept or declare bankruptcy?

'I'm in the home stretch': I'm 80. Do I leave my kids a 'Magnificent Seven' dynasty trust or a brokerage account?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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November 06, 2025 14:46 ET (19:46 GMT)

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